Not Participating

I'm frustrated. I got a call from the WLS surgeon's office and they said my insurance company would not approve the surgery I want because I am not on their rolls for next year. So I panicked. I had already received next year's insurance card and I didn't know what to think. Cancelled? Computer glitch? Just plain old bad luck? So I located the page the card came from and it said good Jan 1, 2014. Then I called the surgeon's office and they resubmitted the request. So again I'm waiting.

There are few things I hate more than waiting. So I've decided it's time to follow the program the Dr.'s office gave me. Going to the grocery store today and by Friday I'm going to be doing the heavy protein diet that will prepare my body. It looks like they are scheduling about 3 months out so I have time to get ready. I hope the approval will come soon.

I've been getting things from Zulily. They have some nice boho fashions and I love those. Kimonos are wonderful and feminine and to me, sexy. So I've ordered several things. I'm finding that it's easy to get hooked on buying clothes on the internet. It's so easy. But I did start with Zulily before I found out about the surgery possibility. Anyway, as with anything bought from the internet, sizing can be strange. So several things have come in too small. Not a lot too small. But they will be helpful as I lose pounds. As you can tell, I'm really counting on the approval from the insurance company.

Things make me crazy. I'm still waiting on the wood for my floor to come in. And I'm waiting for the approval from the insurance company. And I've been waiting for the setting of a surgery date. And I don't wait well. Meanwhile there are a lot of things I'm not doing. Like dieting, exercising, etc. In other words, not participating. It's time to have faith and get moving. Yes. That.

The Happening

I've been writing on one of my other blogs about my plan(depending on insurance approval) to get weight loss surgery. I'm also getting wood flooring in the downstairs part of the house. And I'm tickled pink about the floor.

I haven't been posting because I've been strung out. I hate waiting. Twice I've called the doctor and found out my paperwork had not been sent to the insurance company. I'd scream but I lose my voice when I scream. And I can't bitch if I lose my voice. And I'm really bitchy right now. The hair needs to be colored and I don't have the right color here. The rooms need to be cleaned out and a lot of stuff needs to be pitched. The rest needs to be relocated when the workmen come. The floor is something I'd like to  have done before the surgery. At this point I don't know what the scheduling for surgery is. In late October it was for January. And I'm wanting to do it sooner than March. Probably won't happen though.

I'm shocked at the number of things that must be done before and after the surgery. I've been doing a lot of reading about it and it is not just an operation. In order to be successful at it, my total lifestyle must change. Thank goodness. From sedentary and in pain, I'll be able to become active and in charge of my pain. But, I've never been good at planning meals ahead, etc. And now I'm faced with learning some new tricks before the operation. And I'm glad to have something to look forward to.

I had bought a bunch of new clothes. Then I found out I had an umbilical hernia. And I gained some weight. And I went to a surgeon to fix the hernia. And he said I should look into the WLS.(weight loss surgery) So I did. For some reason I didn't think I'd qualify. I suppose I thought a person must be a lot heavier than I am to get the surgery. Not so. Having diabetes, sleep apnea, high cholesterol, spinal stenosis, etc adds what are called co-morbidities. And I have them in spades. And the WLS is supposed to help with them. For the last year I've been laying on the sofa a lot and napping a lot and in pain a lot. I'm looking forward to handling those problems. I'm also fighting depression in a big way. I don't care how much medication you take, outside influences can increase feelings of depression. Like pain, and fat. And tight clothes. I'm really happy to have the opportunity to improve these things.

The holidays are here. I used to love Christmas and Thanksgiving. But now I hate them. It is rare that I get to see the children and grandchildren. Between the distance to them, and the shape of my body, I'm finding it difficult to visit them. And they are very rarely in my area. When I loved Christmas I was still married with 3 kids at home and hosting a meal for my Mom and my husband's parents. I loved cooking the traditional meals, putting up a super tree, getting exciting gifts for the kids, etc. But my sigother and I are alone at Christmas and he doesn't like it either. Too commercial for him. I had all of my gifts bought and sent by 12/10. Being an only child is really not fun for me as I get older. No family get togethers. And Fall ended my marriage, and both my parents died. I have trouble with getting jolly. But things are looking up. During the last year my former sister-in-law came back into my life with her husband. We've been getting together on a regular basis since and our last outing was truly wonderful. She and her husband have given me family I never had. We have decided to be sisters. And I'm loving it. So this year I'm happier at the holiday season than I have been in a long time. I think finding her back in my life has raised my spirit a lot. I actually bought some lights and a couple of ornaments for the mantle and I smile.

One good thing about the WLS is that I can sew. I know I need to lose at least 100 pounds. And that means that a lot of the clothes I have(maybe all) will not come close to fitting when I am done. And I've been looking at blogs of altered clothing for ideas to use when the time comes. It's been a coon's age since I last sewed but I think mostly it's like riding a bike.(which I don't do any more) I'll pick it back up easily. If not you'll hear me screaming around the world.

I hope things are going well for all my readers. And I hope to have news soon about a surgery date.

It's all from a book

I went through a book that was supposed to help me decide on my style. I finally came out with "simple bohemian". That is sort of like an oxymoron. When I look at bohemian there is nothing simple about it. It seems to stem from years of collecting, going your own way, looking to nature for form and color.

Now there are young women out there that dress in what is the current bohemian style. Another oxymoron. If you are a true bohemian, there cannot be one style. And if you are truly bohemian, you wouldn't be looking to someone else to define your style.

So I suppose I'm not truly bohemian. I love jewelry but hate being weighted down with too much of it. I love the boho patterns and colors but too much pattern and color
drives me up a wall. Hence simple bohemian. I have truly bohemian pieces in my home. As accessories. And some bright colors. Within limits. 

 Another problem I have with the boho thing is that most of the things I see are for skinny 20-somethings. Sure I wish I could wear some of the things I see. And I've found a few designers (real world clothing companies) that carry lovely pieces in larger sizes. By the way, there is a company called Free People. It should be called Very Expensive Boho Looks for Very Small People.

I would love to find more examples on the internet to get an idea of how to do boho for overweight older folks. And to still look pretty. I don't seem to be very good at trusting my own taste. But then I've always been that way. I have to keep telling myself that if someone thinks I look foolish, it doesn't matter. If I think someone else looks foolish it doesn't matter to them.

This pic is on here simply because I want a coat like this.

One thing I am sure of is that I don't want to wear grays, browns, army greens. I need to wear color. And I need to see color. And I am so glad there are beautiful boho items out there in beautiful color.

Do you have a place to go?

For years, Lovers Key was accessible only by boat and it was said that only lovers traveled to the island to enjoy its remote and solitary beach. Today, it is one of four barrier islands that make up this state park. A haven for wildlife, the islands and their waters are home to West Indian manatees, bottlenose dolphins, roseate spoonbills, marsh rabbits, and bald eagles. The two mile long beach is accessible by boardwalk or tram and is popular for shelling, swimming, picnicking, and sunbathing. Black Island has over five miles of multiuse trails for hiking and bicycling. Anglers and boaters can launch their vessels from the park's boat ramp.

 Do you have a place to go in your mind when  you are overwhelmed and overworked and
need to take a breather? I do. I go to Lover's Key. It's off the west coast of Florida at Fort Myers.
And when I was there no one could get to the Key except by boat. Years and years ago. Now it is a state park and there are buildings on it and it has tons of people out for a fine day.

It was in the late 60's, early 70's that I lived in Ft. Myers. The hippie, dippy days. Being from Tennessee I was astonished at the nearly naked bodies, the free wheeling lifestyles, the drugs and alcohol I saw there. We had a canoe we named Tennessee. Went camping on Lover's Key. There could not have been a prettier place on earth. The sun and sand and water were perfect. It was a warm early spring with no bugs yet. Perfect. I walked down the beach without garments but with the dog and a little transistor radio playing "I Can See Clearly Now" by Johnny Nash. Perfect. It was one of the moments in time that we collect and keep in our hearts. We can pull out those moments and go there for a mini vacation.

The pictures here are what I remember about the key. Between the outer island and the mainland were mangroves that had some great fishing. And some interesting crabs, etc. The sand was white and there were beautiful huge Australian pines up and down the island. I was saddened when I heard later that a hurricane took them out. But we were the only ones on the island. Me, my ex, my dog, and Johnny Nash. Wow do I love that memory.

I need it

I've been really down today.  I have decided to concentrate on different things than have been bothering me. Sometimes those you love move out of your sphere, at least for a while. It's time to focus elsewhere.

These are a few of my favorite things.

 I smile.

I think I can

I'm feeling like the little engine that could. I love this dress for the ease of wear, interesting patterns and the mix. I can't wear something with sleeves that short. But I think I can make something similar to this with a sleeve of some sort.

 It's silky, richly colored, and beautifully patterned. I want one.

This isn't representative of my color and pattern combos but It would be easy to adapt this idea for a dress or top.




I'm thinking I should make some things so I will have something to think about other than the stuff I have coming up. Maybe?????