Down so long

An old saying, "been down so long it feels like up to me", came to mind as I thought over my recent past. I decided to make myself focus on things that make me happy instead of letting the daily stress continue to make me crazy.

The first thing I share is my love for art and color. In my mind they go together. I recognize the artistry in some black and white photos and in pencil and pen drawings. But color speaks to my soul. And I am totally drawn to mixes of color. The art of Glass by Chihuly, the mixes of Klimpt, and even street art. I love the colors of Spring, the sunsets, the rippling of water, the fashions of the East, underwater life, and all other things colorful. I smile when I see an Iris.

 This person was my friend for the 14 years she lived with me. I am not, however, going to limit my love to just her. I love dogs. Big ones, little ones. Happy ones, grumpy ones. I see in them the dedication to a full life that I aspire to. They have a problem, they just get over it and go back to being happy and loving beings. One of the dogs I have now doesn't seem to know how to be still. Her tail wags if she is awake. Constantly. (the other one doesn't have a tail) I have complained about having to go to the bathroom accompanied by a dog, but she pushes the door open and we love. Love is good anywhere.

I have recently found ball jointed dolls on pinterest. Previously I have loved art dolls, Barbie, Bratz, and others. I like them because they are able to show me fun, fashion, and frivolity. I'm a fan of the Creagers, Jack Johnson, Kevin Bunton, Paula Nerhus, and many others. The best thing about dolls is that I can't look at them without smiling. Mealy Monsters and Chicken Lips dolls are a joy. And Halloween wouldn't be nearly so much fun without a witch doll. Smiles in spades.

 Jewelry. From the time I was little I have loved jewelry. I've made jewelry but for some reason I don't wear my own designs. Well folks, I am about to change that. I am forced to redo my craft studio. I've not been in there in the last few years. I've been too hung up on health difficulties and constant tiredness. But I think one of the reasons for tiredness is a lack of something to get excited about. I'm about to take care of that. I may move slowly when I work around the house. But at least it's something to look forward to-the day I can sit down and be creative.

I don't wear scarves. So why is this photo amongst those things I love? Because the pattern is ethnic. I have been wanting to be a hippie since I saw Easy Rider in the early 70's. I had a friend with a Chopper which I rode. I had a motorcycle for a while. I loved the song, Born to be Wild, and still do. I felt stifled by expectations and the hippie ideas were my way of breaking free. But I didn't go with the idea. I stuck around and further stifled myself until I cracked completely. Now the hippie and bohemian fashions are popular with some. They include ethnic patterns and colors and they remind me of the freedoms I wanted. I'm in a completely different place in my life now but I still have dreams of faraway places with strange sounding names. I have been fortunate through TV and the computer to see, second hand, the places which seem to draw me. And now, I'm able to put those things into my memory book almost as it I had been there.

Last week I met a man. I am totally happily involved with my love of 24 years and don't wish for another relationship. But, this man I met came to inspect the installation of my air conditioning replacement. He had a t-shirt that referred to the Dragon. This is a road near here that bikers from all over the country come here to ride. This man had a pony tail, was in the very early sixties, was very neat and clean and was very open and friendly. I saw him as being totally at home in himself. The vibe I got from him so relaxed me and so comforted me. He was a total lesson in self acceptance. I loved it so much that I decided to remind myself of him when I try to put myself down. In my experience, self-acceptance is totally difficult to achieve sometimes. And having reminders is good.

Spring has sprung. But the weather is still unusually cool. I believe it almost makes up for the money crap that this year has brought. Meanwhile I will try to focus more on the things I love.