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Saturday, September 27, 2014

Boy I sure didn't expect this.

So I had the surgery in February. And at first everything went great. And I was really pleased. But after a while the same things as before the surgery happened. I'm down 50 pounds and stuck there. And I've found that my emotions are all over the place. My body doesn't work like it did. My mind and emotions don't behave the same way. Things I loved before, I don't even like now. Things I thought I'd conquered are back in a big way. For instance, did you know they make mini ice cream sandwiches. And I thought it would be a good treat. And it would if I could eat just one. But my demon was not removed when I had the surgery. I go from feeling great to self-destruct in an instant. And no, I'm not manic-depressive or bipolar. Just reacting to a lifetime of messages that sadly can't be cut out.

I've put off making a commitment to go to a therapist. But when I go to the doctor this time, I'm going to try to get a referral. At least a couple of times a month would help. I think.

Meanwhile I'm trying to motivate some changes again. I get a handle on things then it slips and more slips till I'm sliding. I used to think I handle change well. Not so much.