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Monday, November 28, 2016

That was then

How is it that a person can not see what is right in front of them? I've been back in therapy and I think I have turned a corner. I have had some breakthroughs. And I have had some issues to finally deal with in order to be OK with me.

I thought I needed to have a style. So I chose boho. I thought I needed to look outside myself and my life for guidance. And I found that the outside is not important. I took this photo several years ago. It was before the sleeve surgery. It was before I realized that change must come from me and that buying things is only a temporary fix for feeling down. I need stimulation but I was staying home and doing nothing to improve my days. Well, fast forward a few years and I am totally different in my outlook. I don't need anyone to make me feel OK. I can actually do it myself.

I met an artist the other day. She is quite pretty and really good at her art. She seems driven. I began to compare myself to her and coming out wanting. But then my mind and heart told me that I like me and my life better than if I was living her life. I just couldn't do it. I actually relaxed into a feeling of self satisfaction. New to me.