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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

How lucky am I

Ofelia from My Intended Life has honored me with an award. Boy do I love this. I only wish my arm would reach behind me so I could pat myself on the back. Actually this happened several days ago and I am just now figuring out how to do the rest of the blog. Part of the award is to pass it to other bloggers I enjoy who haven't reached the 100 follower milestone. And of course, I get to talk about myself a little. So I'm passing the award to Lesa at Always summer for waking me up to the beauty of children no matter where they are from. I also love K at Excavating K's Closet for showing me how to be pretty in any circumstances.
Serene at The Elegant Bohemian brings a dose of reality and a lot of class to my life, and Paula at Everyday Radiance has already received the award from Ofelia. However I can't leave her out because her invitation into her life has meant a lot to me.

Ofelia has had a great influence on me and I love sharing her adventures and her fashion.  There are many others who have been with me a lot. Pam of the Bits of Truth, Ariel at Artfully Awear, and the lovely Amber Blue Bird are just a few. This Free Bird has opened my eyes to life in a lot of ways. There are so many great bloggers out there. They have well over 100 followers and deservedly so. They are like a really good cake with lots of Icing and ice cream on the side.

Just to let you know a little more about me I'll admit that next Thursday, July 7, I'll be 65 years old. I'll celebrate with my youngest daughter and son-in-law and my two wonderful grandchildren, Marlee(just turned 4) and Kingston who will be 2 also on the 7th. Am I excited? You bet.

In addition to the terrific Eng family, my oldest daughter, Christy, is a chef and I plan to travel to Jacksonville to see her when the weather cools. Christy is a chef at a cooking school and loves to teach cooking. I likewise love to eat her cooking.

The Carpenters, John, Paula, Emma Rose, and Anabelle life in Georgia. Emma Rose is six years old, a big girl now. Her little sister Anabelle will be 4 this summer and a cuter pair of girls you won't find. You see Ofelia added pics of the wonderful things she has collected. Well I haven't traveled so much but over the next weeks I'll show you pics of my favorite things and in the meantime you'll get these pics of some of my favorite  people.

How lucky am I?

Monday, June 27, 2011


They call this type of top a sublimation top. I have no clue why. I do know I love the colors even as the fabric fades and pills. And I love the print. And I hate the way my arms show so much. I'm wearing a pair of red/orange high water pants and some gold/orange earrings from AVON. Do you sense a pattern here? I am going to make up some outfits with other jewelry just to be fair. However, I admit I do love the Avon stuff. It wears like iron.

 My shoes are an unknown name brand that I purchased from ebay. I do love to get shoes from ebay if they fit well. I'm lucky that so far most have done pretty well. I am totally a flats person. When I was growing up back in the dark ages the uniform was pencil/straight skirts, sweater sets, and flats. I loved them but I couldn't wait to be old enough to wear heels. Till I had to start wearing heels. Then I discovered that they are really not comfortable. So when flats came back in style I couldn't have been more pleased. Over the many many years of my life I have seen so many styles of shoes as to be mind boggling. The ones that really got to me were the ones with platforms so high they looked like stilts. Think KISS or Elton John. I'm not short but then I wished I were. I had a terrible time walking on heels all of my life. So that is why I love flats.
My lovely Devil Dog, Cheyenne has continued to fill out. But I think she's stopped growing up. Now at about 50 pounds she is quite the lapful.

I have never shared exactly why I began blogging and truthfully my reasons have changed a lot since the beginning. I have 3 blogs. At the time I started them I thought to separate thoughts about different things. I have loved being completely b----y about the things celebs do. I have yet to understand a lot of what I see in photos and read about them. And there are so many out there now that I can't keep up. I try to watch people who have what I consider a lot of talent. There are lots out there. Then there are the  bottle blonds with center parted long straight hair and lots of bikinis in which to flaunt their surgeries. And there are the guys who haven't shaved in a while and whose hair looks like they never combed it. There are the girls who wear jeans so tight everything shows and guys that wear jeans so loose they look like the jeans will fall off at any minute. There are mini skirts and dresses that leave nothing, absolutely nothing, to the imagination. That is fun to say awful things about. There are ?reality shows? that are as real as a cartoon and don't have nearly the plotline. There are actors and actresses in those shows pretending that it is all real life. There are now at least 25 awards shows. I suppose actors need a lot of kudos. This is why I started one of the blogs.

I started the Graceful blog in hopes of learning and sharing tips on how to grow older and not moulder. I really hate that I have lost a few of the things I valued about myself. I need to work on that.

My main blog is just me. Growth, struggles and all.

In the future I'll continue going where the winds of change take me. I am learning so much about the world from some of my blog friends that I couldn't quit now anyway. I have seen more of the world since I've been blogging than my whole life before. And I love it.

Lastly, I believe in being honest. Not lying. And sometimes I worry that my words will hurt someone without my meaning to. I have learned, if nothing else, about the power of the written word.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

 A blurry pic of me. Do you notice how many fewer wrinkles show? I am sitting down because despite the workouts I've been doing, the body shape isn't changing. That happens when you come home, sit on the sofa, or lay down. And then you eat too much to make up for the lost calories. I am making a new resolution today. I will try to get through the day without a nap and without laying down at all and I will try to do this for the next several days. I'm not expecting totally keeping the resolution from the first day. I am expecting to do the best I can.

In this pic you can see the double chin and my lovely Avon earrings. I am fortunate that my Avon lady has allowed me to purchase some of the best items at a reduced price. Of course we have been together over 25 years. I guess I have grown on her. Anyway, below is a better look at the earrings. They are antiqued brass with purple and pink stones. I know every computer registers colors a little differently. There are also some blue stones in the earrings. I am definitely a wearer of big earrings. I have found that the older I get, the more I like the larger pieces of jewelry. I have very few small pieces and rarely wear them.
I have received my batik fabrics and I am working on the studio to clear out the mess I've made over the last year. I think I should probably clean it out at least once a week. I also think that is one resolution I haven't made yet. Over the months that I've been recuperating from my surgery the studio has become a super place to put things I don't know what to do with. I had posted some pics of it a long time ago. I could now post pics of small sections and it would still be too messy to work in. And a sewing machine needs room to work well. Anyway, I'm going to try to put in at least a couple of hours a day till it's ready for sewing. I went totally nuts on the batiks and went to JoAnn's and bought more. And ordered more which I finally received. I have been prone to that behavior all my life. I see something which turns me on and I promptly purchase the things I need to make it. Then I don't. Make it. I just collect.

This last week has been something of an eye opener to me. I'm speaking of the wonderful weather we have been having. Beginning Tuesday the rain I had hoped for began. With a huge windstorm/rainstorm. The storm door on the front of our house caught the wind, blew open and pulled the hardware out of the wood. Then yesterday I discovered the porch light had been hit by the door and was broken. But just as I was about to feel sorry for myself I happened to watch the news and there are trees down all over Knoxville, power lines dangling and broken, and at one time almost 130,000 people without power in the city alone. I saw pictures of houses and cars with huge trees on them, broken and not fixable. I don't feel sorry for me. This is just a taste of what has been happening in the mid and southern sections of the country this Spring. I have decided to be grateful for the small amount of damage here at the house and more caring toward those people who have lost everything. What a year this has been so far!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

It's just me

I wrote a post this morning. I set out my feelings on certain subjects. And that is just what the comments are. I know that there are many people who disagree with my words and they are welcome to do so. I usually like to see beauty in everything and I will stare at beautiful things for hours. I also agree that others have the right and indeed the responsibility to follow their own opinions. And to voice them. But I can't be someone besides who I am. I actually worry about some things I see. The upcoming Kardashian wedding is one of the things I see as a sign that something isn't right. I haven't ever been a fan of gratuitous flaunting of wealth. I don't have wealth. But that isn't why. I see it as trying to prove worth. And to constantly try to one-up others to me is condescending.

I also realize that there are some other things that maybe someone else understands that I don't. The fashions of today are looking to me like some people can't eat, some can't sew, some can't design, and some need huge amounts of money. There is a huge difference between what "normal" people wear and what the designers show. There always has been. So called normals like me wouldn't be caught dead in a skirt that looks like the wearer pinned up sections of it with safety pins. I really wouldn't pay money for a dress that had unfinished edges. If  someone gave it to me I would finish the edges before wearing it. And the runways are focusing on models that are super tall and so thin as to look sick. I remember the fall out when "heroin chic" was a big deal. Kate Moss was one of the waifs included in that era. The Twiggy figure was considered unusual when she was modeling. Now that most of, or at least half of, the women in the US are size 12 and above, the designers are using thinner and thinner models. There was article on the internet that even Victoria's Secret is using a model who's figure is far from curvy. If that trend continues, men won't be looking forward to the televised VS fashion show.

I know that if an item says price available on request it is too expensive to consider.

I also have tried to understand the reasons behind the changes in a lot of other things. Posing with the toes together heels apart is something I don't understand. I now even see the models in some mags doing it. Posing with the tummy thrown so far forward (ala Paris Hilton) it looks like the spine is wonky. I think that is in a class with posing with one arm forward and down as if it isn't working. Those things are not in my book of knowledge. And then there are the jumps. At least that's exercise. But sometimes the poses take my attention away from what I can see of the garment.

Again, these are my opinions. And they are further proof that I am simply not with it. In any way. I actually tried some of the poses and I'm glad no one saw. They were erased from the camera before uploading to the computer. Not taking any chances.

I feel that I have missed my time. I want to be attractive. I've always wanted to be pretty. I've always wanted to be thin, not to extreme, but so I can wear a belt. I've always wanted someone to admire me. At times I wanted it so badly that anyone would do. On my previous post, and on this one, I have said I don't understand. I don't understand why things which would have been normal if I were 20 have suddenly appeared wrong to me now. I don't understand why I have little or no appreciation for some of the fashions the whole  youthful world is wearing, like tights. (I hate pantyhose and by extension tights) And I don't understand why things that seem so hot right now are important to me. They will change by tomorrow.

I guess most of all I don't understand why I can't admire myself and my opinions and stop worrying about it.

Keeping Up

I am having a terrible time keeping up with things, and it shows. There was a time when I thought I understood things about fashion and looking nice. But things seem to have changed in a major way. Right now I am looking at the picture above and thinking about how ridiculous it looks to me. The idea of matching one thing with another has gone out the window. Argyle socks with the skirt. Where did this idea originate. No color match or even season match there. Booties with the toes cut out. I used to think boots were worn for warmth in cold weather. Evidently not. And the jacket looks like it goes with a whole other outfit. Then there is the long hair with the center part that so many seem to think is appealing. Lost it again. The big glasses don't make the wearer in this case look brainy because brainy folks can match colors and patterns. And the lack of curve makes me think she is maybe 12 or 13. Like I said, I am lost. In my day the object was to dress nicely for the season, in appropriate colors and fabrics.  Oh where did I get lost?
This outfit is definitely something a mature woman would wear. At 50 she looks great. I'm not fond of the extra stuff coming out of the top of the dress. But she is aging well. She has looked super for years. Not like the darlings below. Pam Anderson still dresses as if she were 25. She isn't 25. And here she is showing the real thing. I'm totally unable to put down her look as right now and 99 per cent of the time she looks tons better than me. But it is hard to carry out the sex kitten look much past 25.
 Next on my list of I don't understands is why someone who depends so much on her looks to further her career would go out looking like this. I'm not going to be photographed if I go out like that but she knows they are out there with their cameras. So what's up. I think it is a shame that all of that money is available to make her look terrific and it isn't being done. Come on, give me some and I'll look like a million bucks.
I admit to being way way way behind the times. I have a cell phone. It is the only phone I have. But I don't text, take pics, or have internet access on it. I don't tweet. I have way too much to say to use that venue. My car doesn't have anything to warm the seats, to tell me where I am or where I'm going, to look like real wood, to move the tires in tandem, or anything like that. I don't have or want a fax machine. I still am known to watch regular movies not in 3D. I don't have a cook or household help. I make some of my own household items and clothes. I do recycle as much as possible. I read real books, not from a Kindle or other device. And I have not been able to find a magazine in the thousands that are published that has fashion advice for overweight 65 year olds.  So you see, I am well and truly having a hard time keeping up.

Monday, June 13, 2011

This is my idea of Dressed Up

 I'm still not organized enough to get the tip top of me in the pic with the shoes.

No, I didn't get a haircut. What I did is put the stuff behind the ears. And I would like to know why my makeup looks so much better in the bathroom light.
Cheyenne, alias Devil Dog, alias Hell Hound, alias Calamity Jane, alias Anubis God of the Dead has grown into a beautiful, if over enthusiastic, puppy of 7 months. Her blue eyes look at me with lots of love so I am always sorry if I have to punish her. Look how she has muddied the door. And we have to clean the picture window daily from where she watches the birds and squirrels at the feeder. It reminds me of how we can learn from the animals. To her, everything is new and interesting and she wants to take it all in at once. Like a human child, the world is a place of wonder. What a totally wonderful attitude and I must admit, I would wish to be that way at least part of the time. 
I do own a dress. I haven't needed to wear it but it's there if I need it.

I have a few thoughts to share.

Why do people get into their cars and call someone and then pull out into traffic? I begin to think some
     people can't drive without talking. And it used to be that they couldn't drive without smoking. I guess
     cell phones are the new cigarettes. But then some people do both.
Why do people wait till the groceries have all been rung up before they get out their check books? I
     would think they would know they have to write a check. They could have everything down but the
     amount before the cashier is done.
Why do people drive into a McFast Food  Restaurant and then want to change the menu? That act takes
     forever if the people who work there can even do it. Then it's no longer fast food.
Why do weather people call a hot spell The Dog Days of Summer? The dogs don't like it either.
And now to get nasty--- Why do parents of small children not take them outside at a restaurant when they
     are acting up? Yep, been there. Lately.

I think I have complained enough now and I can get back to business. Today, I'll be going to the dentist and having a root canal and a couple of crowns. The whole business is really a bummer. I saw that you can get a complete set of dentures for under $500 so why is each crown $900. That's just another question there doesn't seem to be an answer for. Anyway at least today I won't be eating all day as usual. I would love to get into the habit of regular meals. I've been really lax. I wonder if that is part of the cause of the size of my waist. Ya think?

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Still trying

Boy did it take a long time to download this.

I have gone back to therapy after they had a pool problem. I'm glad to be back in the water. But, how quickly I lost some of my progress. I'm realizing that therapy is just the beginning. They will teach me how to do the things I need to know to keep me strong. They will look at the problems I'm working with and show me ways to deal with them. But if I don't keep up the work after the therapy is over I might as well not have bothered to go. It's clear to me that doing the minimum won't work. That means it's necessary to consider the total health picture. And as you can see in the above pic, I haven't yet given up cake.

I am a sweet addict. Dammit.

I also have been having trouble with my energy levels. So some aerobic activity is needed. Dammit.

Since summer hit with a sledge hammer I've gone back to staying inside. I'm absolutely not a fan of sweat. But I'm not going to improve my stamina at therapy 3 days a week. I think I'm going to have to add. You cannot know how I hate to exercise. And to sweat. And to be hot.  Sometimes I think the decision to exercise is a matter of comparing which I hate more. Not what would I rather do. Do I hate exercise more than feeling crappy? I've discovered there is a limit to how much crappy I can take.

I took the pic this morning, came inside and let the dogs in. Cheyenne hit my knee just the wrong way and I hit the floor like a stone. I am now weighing the advisability of getting hardwood floors. The carpet was softer. Maybe I should keep it.

I believe I've mentioned in a previous post about my hair cut. My hair is growing. Slowly. But it still isn't working. That is probably a small part of my problem with getting pics made. I can just about work with being fat, but having a month of bad hair days is adding insult to injury. I wish I could just wear hats or wigs. Alas, my head is quite large and wigs and hats are too small. Oh well, I have something else to bitch about now.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

This is a new day

I have several things to say: some good, some bad.

I hate hot weather. It's in the mid 90's here and very humid. I only go outside when I need to do something. We broke a record yesterday here. I don't think I can celebrate a broken record. My sig other works as a welder. There is no air conditioning where he works and when you weld you can't use a fan. He usually likes warm weather. Not this though. Working in a place that is already 100 degrees inside (metal roof) and adding humidity and the heat from welding is awful. He comes home totally exhausted. I know I am exhausted when I go get in the car.

I have ordered fabric from a supplier that uses Fed Ex Smart Post. I have a PO Box. No mail delivery at home. This is the 3rd time my package has been lost by Fed Ex Smart Post. The first 2 times cost me sixty dollars and I had no recourse. Smart post isn't very smart and I am asking all vendors not to use it.

I have been concerned for some time about my tendency to want to keep up with the celebs and their lifestyle. I purchased a purse once for $210 that was seen in a celeb magazine. I carried it once. I had been thinking that having it made me special because a celeb carried it. It didn't. First, no one else knew the celeb carried it. I got no compliments or even interest. And it is heavy and really not my style. I've been trying to make myself into someone I am not again. Into someone I don't even want to be. I bought knock off bags. I bought lots of cool looking bags. I have bought jewelry because it is like something a favorite celeb wore. I have never worn it. When I think about the money I have spent trying to make myself into something else I want to cry. When I think of the time I have spent reading ragmags I want to cry. This is my life and I am trying to change it to look like someone else's. I am not going to purchase any more rag mags. And any I get through the mail I am going to change the address on so my daughter or someone else gets it. I have not been made happier by the obsession. It stops now.

On a morning news show there was a woman who wrote a book called Think. She had asked several young women which town was nearly destroyed by the recent tornadoes. One got the state right. Several others didn't have any idea. But they knew the names of the Kardashian sisters. I want to look good. I like fashion. I also know there are many other things in the world that don't have anything to do with fashion but are worthwhile topics of interest.  I have spent time trying to make myself better with fashion and ignored my mind which is not so bad. I cannot prove my worth. To myself or to anyone else. Fashion won't do it for me. Being on top of the latest news won't do it for me. Being pretty  won't do it. Spending money won't do it. I am not willing to give myself over to trends any more. I want to be myself and not be a pale copy of someone else. I'm not sure how to do it. I've spent many years thinking myself is not good enough. The struggle begins.

Have you ever seen someone who seems comfortable in their own skin? They are laid back, smile easily, are interested in a lot of things, and learn how to let go when they are injured. They are not always trying to do to be to have. They enjoy what is. That is where I hope to go.

The two pics above show me smiling. Sort of. I am a quiet, sedentary, almost hermitlike person. I love to get out and see people sometimes. But home, to me, is a refuge from problems. I have had trust issues all my life and I won't go into why. I am not ever going to get past some of the emotional and psychological scars if I haven't by now. I smiled because Ofelia said to. And Ofelia is comfortable in her own skin. From now on I am going to pay more attention to the writeups that accompany blog photos and try to develop my peace in myself and not just inside the walls of my house. I am not going to stop blogging or to stop taking pics. Those things are fun to do. But I may stop trying to keep up with the rest of the world and be myself if I can find me.