I've had an upgrade

 When I was growing up Christmas was the most most most magical thing ever. As I have gotten significantly older, I lost that thing that spoke to me of magic. As things have happened to me, to my children and grandchildren, to my friends, and to my extended family, I have seriously misplaced the magical nature of Christmas. I am definitely not referring to religious mysteries but to the vision I had inside my head of what Christmas was supposed to look like.

I thought of Christmas as looking like the town scene above and the tree and other decorations below. I thought of Christmas as being something that I have never actually seen. I haven't been to a town like the one above, and it rarely snows where I live. When I spent several years in Florida I really didn't do well at creating the Christmas feeling. At least, I thought, it should be cold. When my children were home, there was decorating and good meals and buying gifts and wrapping and surprises. Since my kids are gone and so is my cash, there is little in the way of decorating. We still eat well, the two of us, and I send gifts. But no magic.

I know that many of you will say that magic is not what Christmas is all about. And I agree. It's just that magic was a part of Christmas I always enjoyed. And when I got older, I enjoyed making magic. But if I made it, it was not magical. Stinking thinking that.

I recently joined Pinterest and I have seen lots of things to make and to do for Christmas and other holidays. I don't choose to decorate in a major way but I do want to add that dimension into my life again. I gave my Christmas tree stuff to my daughter. I look around my overstuffed house and there are some things still here that I may use to decorate but I think the magic may be in making things this year. I have always looked at things I made with special fondness. Maybe they're magic.

 There are a lot of problems with expectations. Expectations can totally ruin the joy of the moment in almost any situation. I viewed Christmas in terms of greeting card pictures including tall, beautiful people with lovely children gathered around a tree or a piano. I saw Christmas parties where loving families and friends gathered to toast each other or marshmallows and dress up and look beautiful. I saw commercials on TV showing kids playing with toys, dressed in red velvet, eyes shining with joy. I saw me with my grandchildren around, jumping in my lap when I sat down and giving me hugs.

I am looking forward to the holidays this year. In my immediate family(kids, etc) things are on an upswing. I have totally given up the need for perfection in Christmas, in me, in my family, in my sig other, and in my pets. I'm frustrated by the dogs tracking mud in when it rains. Whooptydoo. I can live with it and I'd rather have the dogs than not have them. I'm frustrated when I want to go out and buy huge amounts of lovely things for my grandkids and I can't because there isn't enough cash. But I can love them to distraction and try to get them things they will enjoy. I feel frustrated that my TV hasn't lasted longer than 10 years and already needs to be replaced. Is there a day that goes by that something can't frustrate all of us? But if my magic is falling prey to these things, it isn't real magic is it?

I purchased the Harry Potter final film. I read the whole series and saw all of the movies. I have been watching animated films. I've loved the stories of Middle Earth. I have traveled to the Dune of outer space. I have enjoyed Tim Burton's Nightmare movie. The thing that this is teaching me is that while I live in the real world, I need an imaginary one too. Faith is one thing but for me it doesn't give my mind the vacation it needs. I can actually look at laundry better if I have seen a fantasy movie or read a similar book. Then my reality of mud on the floor isn't the only thing in my mind. Cooking dinner isn't so much a chore as it is just something to do. I am somewhat at peace with the idea that this is my reality. I need magic as a part of it and I must find and make that magic myself. I actually am thanking pinterest for that.