whatever

Can we talk? Sometimes I look around at my life and I don't see much. I've been through my share of joy and heartbreak. Haven't we all? But the Holiday Season always makes me ponder where I am and where I'm going. So here it is. I am stuck. By my own behavior. I write in a journal and I found some pages from 2007. They are roughly comparable to those I write today. And I'm the first to acknowledge that I'm to blame for the lack of change. Lazy? Maybe! But I really don't want to own up to that. I am at least a champion procrastinator. And there are a couple of more things to figure out. I can't choose things like paint colors etc because I'm afraid to make a mistake. Like it would be life threatening to choose a paint color that doesn't work. And I want to get back to some of the creative things I used to do. What to do first? Damned if I know. That requires a choice. And then there is the difficulty of focus on a task. I don't do it well. I lose interest easily and often leave things half done. That of course stares back at me demanding that I do something but it is so easy to procrastinate. I've read that making lists helps. But one can procrastinate that too. So while I whirl around trying to light on something, I'm just going to try and enjoy the lights, music, and feeling of the season and forgive myself for being uh ..........whatever.