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Saturday, April 12, 2014

The Latest

It's been about 6 weeks since my weight loss surgery. I've lost weight but now I wonder if I haven't traded being fat and mad at myself for being slow to lose and mad at myself. I went to a support group meeting and there were people there who had surgery on the same day as me and they had lost more. I was totally disheartened. I totally forgot about the fact that weight loss depends on other factors than just what is eaten.

I have been reading a book about how to have a fuller life. It suggests serendipity listing. For example: instead of focusing on my feelings of failure, I could write down that my neck is a lot smaller and some necklaces I couldn't wear now fit. Rings are fitting and may be getting too big. I've been able to get into things I couldn't wear and my old clothes are now getting way too big. I'm walking all of the way around a grocery store without needing to sit down. Most of the time I make it through the day without a nap.

I've been going through my closet and a couple of other things and I took 9 large bags of things to a thrift store this morning. I truly think that the people who see a lot of these things will be getting a big bargain. But from here on out I'll try to sell some things, mainly clothes and jewelry. I will probably need some new clothes and it would be nice to have the money.

One thing that has occurred is that I now need to get some more things done in the house. Painting and cleaning, sewing and crafting. I took the wallpaper down in the kitchen and other rooms and never finished the job. Got a bad back and fat. It certainly slowed me down and gave me an excuse to not finish. Well there is another excuse. The paper under the plastic of the wallpaper won't come off for me. Unbelievable. So I'm going to hire painting and wall prep, etc. I suppose now that I'm beginning to look better, I want my surroundings to help keep me feeling good. I know that if the house is a wreck I'm depressed and that doesn't help the health situation. I also know that the clutter is a hindrance to cleaning. Since I perceive my style to be simple bohemian I'm focusing on the simple right now. I had so many tops in my closet I couldn't see them all and there were tons of them that didn't fit or that I wouldn't wear. I also bought a lot of clothes to make myself feel better. And some of them were big mistakes. I'm going to ebay them.

I'm supposed to be eating pureed foods now. I can't say enough about how much I'm ready to say goodbye to that. But I have developed a fondness for tuna. With a bit of mayo and sweet relish. And I'm going to be forever grateful to fat free cottage cheese. I feel almost like I'm eating real food. As is my habit I've ordered several books with recipes even though I've rarely followed a recipe ever. So I'm going to take the books on the surgery without recipes and see if anyone wants them at the next support group meeting. And I'm being really grateful for the fact that fish is easily mashed.

I'm looking forward to getting out of plus sizes. I still look at clothes on the internet. I don't know where I belong and I'm reluctant to buy. It's amazing that I didn't look more carefully before. I still have a large midsection and a lot of things for plus ladies have a waistline, which I lost a long time ago. Pull on stretch pants have been a saving grace for me. But now I'd sort of like to have a pair of jeans. I don't like the really low waisted jeans because I think they make a woman who isn't skinny look thick in the middle. But I'd like some jeans that don't look fat. That don't look like mom jeans. That don't have big legs but aren't so tight they wrinkle. And that don't have a camel toe. But they say patience is a virtue. And in the meantime I'll go to the Y a couple of days a week and try to do something about the belly.

I've heard people say their surgery didn't work. I've heard people say they are sorry they had the surgery. I cannot agree. I am no longer diabetic, and my sleep apnea has greatly improved. The daily irritations are really no more than I had getting older and being fat. The benefits are super. I can breathe. I can cross my legs. I'm able to get up off the floor without help. I'm pleased.

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