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Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Do you love yourself?

I've been fighting depression for a long time. I have finally found a medicine to help and a therapist to help and the reason to work. I haven't ever, in my 70+ years loved myself. I firmly believe that a person who takes good care of themselves has loved themselves. But not me. I haven't eaten right, haven't exercised, haven't done dental care, skin care, or even health care. So I'm lucky to still be alive and to be able to function. Lately, and hopefully not too late, I'm being much more careful with me. I see it as a step toward loving myself. It isn't just for me. I have grown kids, grandkids, a wonderful honey, and two precious furpersons. I also have a few friends to love and care about. I'm learning a lot from my kids about self-love. For instance, I now know it isn't something that is constant. Even those who have a totally healthy ego have bad times. I always thought of doing poorly as falling back into bad feelings. Time to totally change that thought. I was long ago diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder. Part of that disorder is to often see a new problem as the end of my world and a total failure on my part. I have taught myself to step back and wait before the panic. And amazingly, things that I was afraid of often just don't happen . I watch my children deal with things that really disappoint them and when they ask for advice I tell them that things will get better. And they do get better. I need to heed my own advice.

Part of loving myself is not putting off things I need or want to do. I think procrastination is the opposite of self-love. It is guilt inducing. I have been the Queen of Procrastination for my whole life out of fear of failure. You see, when I fail, I die. At least that is how it sometimes feels. So I'm now making goals and plans so I can look back on the things I accomplished and feel proud. It's really a treat to mark off the things I have done. I am learning to love myself.

1 comment:

Birdie said...

This is a great post. And so true.