Follow Me on Pinterest

Friday, January 13, 2012


Another New Year's Resolution.

Expectations are a real problem for me. I used to pride myself on my ability to handle change. Yeah, right. As you have seen, the things I expected to fill my life with haven't worked out so well in some cases. Riding off into the sunset(with my husband) has become day to day with my significant guy. Of course we have been together 23 years in April. But the sunset part- not so interesting actually. I have seen so many pics of things Brides want for their weddings on pinterest. I have seen ads for celeb weddings on TV. I've seen the brides magazine numbers increase and become the size of a dictionary. But please don't get me wrong. I'm sure everyone who marries wants their wedding to be wonderful. And it should be. Contrary to the Bridezilla thing on TV, I don't think tantrums have a place in nuptials.

Now that I have circled the point, I'll get to it. Weddings last a couple of hours, more if the reception is a biggie. Then there is marriage. If I were marrying one of the Bridezillas, I'd be worried about the marriage. I have heard that girls want everything at their weddings. It needs to be a fairy tale. Planning can take a year or more and the costs can be staggering, even to families who don't have much money. I've come to the point of my tirade. Love as the focus of a wedding is not even a guarantee of the success of the marriage. And for sure, huge weddings don't guarantee anything except a lot of money spent. I know there is a lot of excitement about getting married. I applaud the bride who wants to make a lot of the items used for the wedding.

My concerns are about the after wedding/honeymoon thing. Recently a 72 day marriage and an 18 day marriage made the news. My own marriage lasted 23 years and I still had the same problems. Expectations. As with many new experiences, it is hard to know what to expect out of married life. First, it is every day till forever. At least sometimes it can feel that way. Anyway, I had expectations when I married. They were based on the only marriage I had seen; that of my parents. I was disappointed from the git go and so was my husband. You see, we evidently thought we knew the route marriage was supposed to take. But his parents were as different from mine as night and day. That led to us both expecting things that didn't have a snowball's chance in Hell of happening. We stuck it out. Oh well.

I've built a lot of the beliefs of my life on expectations. If I know someone I think I can predict how they will handle a situation and how they will feel. I forget I am imposing my feelings on them. I forget they have lived a different life. The old indian adage "never judge a man till you have walked a mile in their moccasins" is something I have long espoused. But I've never examined how my behavior has been relative to that. As I have aged I find myself wondering sometimes how a person can believe something. Again I have expected others to believe as I do. These is a terrific ego thing involved here. I'm right. Right?

I have put too much emphasis on my expectation of how things should be. This year I want to be happy with how they are. If I seemed to focus on the wedding thing it's because it is such a pivotal point in people's lives. I really believe that putting too much emphasis on perfection in a wedding or in anything else can lead us to terrible unhappiness. It certainly has for me. I hope everyone who reads this will see that expecting perfection in anything can be a problem.

My hope for the New Year is to expect good things, not perfect things. And to work to make good things happen.


Amber said...

Well said. I watch the girls on bridezillas and cant believe my eyes. The only thing they are concerned with is the wedding but in the grand scheme of things that part plays such a small role. Its the marriage thats supposed to be the fun part. I feel sorry for those ladies (and the men).

dressingup-everyday said...

I really enjoy reading your post.Everything you write is pure reality and my own experience tell me that the marriage is difficult but has its rewards.I'm married for thirty-three years....
Hugs .yoana