Guilty

All of my life, (at least the part I remember), I have felt guilty. I was not a good enough student. Not   a good enough daughter, wife, mother, person. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not fashionable enough. Not knowledgeable enough of current mores and morals. Not religious enough, not deep enough, not loving enough. See a pattern here?

Some of the not enoughs came from those I loved and looked up to. I handled those by telling myself it was my lack, my fault, my shortcoming. Others came from the outside in via my own judgement. I needed to have lots of things. I needed to have a look. A style. And I really needed to have all of the must-haves in the magazines and on TV. I am really good at self-deprecation. One thing I have enough of. After focusing on everything but reality about me, I'm trying to come to terms with my enemy---ME.

Love to all. Judy