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Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Mind over matter

Didn't take driver's ed. Dad taught me on a 3 on the column stick shift in a rattletrap. But I learned. And by wrecking my mom's car I also learned not to stare at or look for boys while driving. I should have had a clue but I didn't.

I have been trying to discern what is real and what is not in the last few months. Since  Nov. The news is not the problem. I think I have a handle on that. I mean ideas like---having a lot of something will make me feel good. Or---vacuuming and dusting makes the house clean. Or eating something to fill the space inside is enough to satisfy.

I have returned from a visit with family that has truly opened my eyes. First I found that what I have been doing is impeding my growth as a person,(except for my girth). I was unable to function in the environment I entered. Too tired too easily. Too sore too quickly. Too hot. Just too hot. I had thought I was doing well until I tried to walk a ways. I have a bad back and bad knees so I've not exercised. And I seem to be tired so I rest a lot. Not working. You cannot save up energy to use later. (still learning new/old/should have known.) So I come home and guess what. I am now seeing why I have been tired. I get bored. Really bored. And depressed. And tired and bored and depressed. I used to deal with depression by planning a fun activity. Quit doing that a long time ago.

Another thing I have found is that my diet is that of a barely functioning 2 year old. I put what I can reach without work into my mouth. Cooking? Hey, 2 year olds don't cook. So I have dropped the monster energy drinks and added good foods to my diet. Now I'm not quite so tired.

There are other things I am mulling over. And I would like to do a revamp of many of my beliefs about health that I have clung to for many years. It's about time.

Till next time. Judy

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