Mindful?

I've drifted. And drifted. Because I have a decent amount of intelligence, I tried to do things in my life without planning. Without goals. And I drifted. If this rings a bell, I heartily suggest that anyone who wants a good quality of life tries not to drift. I don't remember ever feeling like I'm done, I'm satisfied, I'm comfortable. Instead I have always been scared. Scared of the things that might happen. Scared of the things that might not happen. And just plain scared.

I think if I had planned, paid attention, and not drifted, I wouldn't have as much to be scared of. I'd know that I had the right outfit for my child's play. I'd know I had paid the bills. I'd know how much money I had left. I'd know what's for supper tonight and maybe tomorrow night and how much I had paid for it. I'd have the dusting done, the floors clean, the laundry sorted and ready. Because I had been paying attention. There is a trend to mindfulness. Seriously, this should not be a trend. It should not be the latest thing. Mindfulness is simply paying attention. If you don't know how to balance a checkbook or account, instead of being overwhelmed by that, you ask for help. Then once you learn there is one less thing to worry about.

I have been collecting clothes that make me feel less overweight. But what is the problem? The weight. And when I sit down and think, really think, I am aware that I'm doing the wrong thing to solve the problem. I wasn't even admitting I had the problem. Denial.

I have collected items that are meant to make me more spiritual. It never occurred to me that I could become more spiritual without buying items. Including self help books.

So, to me, mindfulness isn't the trend. It's simply paying attention to what is important. And working on it.

Now I have some work to do.