Thursday, January 6, 2011
Today and day before yesterday
On January 4 I wore the black pants and sweater with the yellow top. I like that outfit because I like the yellow for its Spring appearance. The black is something I wear a lot because I think it hides some of the weight I am carrying. Well at least I thought so. I have spinal stenosis which makes my back hurt often and especially when I have walked a lot. I also have a torn menuscus(?) in my knee, likewise painful. In 2010 I had followed my wonderful daughter on a diet. I must have lost it somewhere because at last count she has lost 51 pounds and I am scared to weigh.
I have a significant other who is significantly younger than I am. He is also slim and good looking. So I wanted to think that I could improve the looks of the age difference. I find that though we have been together for over 21 years I still don't feel totally comfortable in pics with him. Anyway, I have indulged myself in some clothing, jewelry, shoes(not a weight issue) and handbags(also not a weight issue). I had thought that the things I had help me to look younger and more interesting. You see, by not allowing photos to be taken of me, I could sort of fool myself.
Because of the health issues I have allowed myself become fat enough to have a whole other person residing in my body with me. Those same health issues could have been a good reason to leap at the chance to lose pounds. Instead I have stayed home, sat on my ever-growing gluteus, and used food as a way to keep from dying from boredom. Yes, I eat when I am bored. And I am bored because I am fat and lazy. Sort of a Catch-22.
My sigother got me a puppy. For Christmas. And it is the opposite of what we had decided on. She is going to be big and not a lap dog. But I now wonder if the need for her to exercise won't be good for me too.
There are lots of New Year's Resolutions listed in the terrific blogs I've been reading. But there are two that I believe will help me in the quest to get better. One is to get out of the house. Every day if possible. And go somewhere there are people, not just to the post office. The other is to purge. I have so many outfits/clothes that I am jam packed in my closet and I hope that ebay can help me out. I have not been selling stuff there so this year will be a learning experience for me.
It is hard to find role models for me fashion wise. The majority of the people my age(65) who are trying to involve fashion in their lives are thin. Obviously I am not thin at all. The majority of those trying to enjoy fashion while heavy are much younger than I am. I have begun reading the fashion, vintage, repurposing blogs and I would look just plain awful on the uniform of the season- skinny jeans, boots, t-shirt, sweater,belted. I can't even find a belt to go around my waist right now. I love the so wonderful print dresses and skirts. I hate tights and panty hose. I find them constricting. I am pretty much confined to flats and/or very low heels.
I think, given the parameters I am working with, I will have to build up my own sense of style and my own path to health and weight loss. So far, apathy has not worked. One of the additional resolutions I am going to work on is getting my waist down to the point that I can wear a belt.
I thank anyone who posts suggestions.